Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
