mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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