My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
