made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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