where am i from again
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
