Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize