If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Naked Twister starts at high noon
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
