I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
