I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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