Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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