I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my sisters under your porch take her home
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize