Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
