I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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