I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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