He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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