She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
