Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
