:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
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Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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