just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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