Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A bitchslap is in order.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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