what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
