I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
