I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
