I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
