Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
