Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im part way to drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
