Umm I'm too high to move.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
