You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
