Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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