tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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