Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
