so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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