It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
