woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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