I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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