her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
