Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
