She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
