this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
