Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
