Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize