If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
