apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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