I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
