Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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