Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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