so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
