he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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