mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly