i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
two words...techno handjob
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.