U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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