i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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