Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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