She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, beer. Big fan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
