I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
