i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
