i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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