she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
