But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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