yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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