she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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