I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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