Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
