When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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